Make it rain
The baseball all-star lineups were announced today and there are three Giant’s starters on the team. Two of those starters, despite what some will say, fully deserve the nod. One of them, Pablo Sandoval, should probably not have been picked as a starter but, because the All-Star game is done entirely by fan vote, this kind of thing will happen. The issue is that most would argue that, while this is a good lineup to put out on the field, it is not the one that gives them the best chance to win. That is unfortunate because the winner of this game decides who gets home field advantage in the World Series.
Yeah. Pretttyyyyy weird thing to do.
Look, the all-star game is def a popularity contest and I am OK with the selections for that reason. People vote for who they want to see, that makes sense. What I am not OK with is a popularity contest deciding something so important. Why would you leave something like home field advantage in one of the biggest sporting events of the year in the hands of drunken sun-baked baseball fans. It doesn’t make any god damn sense.
Furthermore, this Giants heavy team has caused quite the stir in the ever sophisticated baseball forums. The primary complaint is that Giants fans are “bandwagon” fans that don’t know anything about baseball so they just vote for their favorite players (they want to see their favorite players play?! fuck those guys!). Designating us as “bandwagon” fans is actually a fairly common occurrence, even before this all-star game thing.
Just shut up about that shit.
We have sold out every game for nearly three seasons. Giant’s fans show up in huge numbers at every road game they play, regardless of the city or league. On recent road trips to San Diego and Seattle the “Lets go Giants” chants could be heard clearer than anything else. For god’s sake there are people that are willing to kayak out into the green waters of the bay for 4 hours in 60 degree weather waiting on a home run ball from a team that hits less home runs than anyone else in the majors. Sure there are bandwagon fans but that’s the case everywhere. And bandwagon fans are still fans. They still pay for tickets. They still wear orange and black. And, obviously, they still know how to use a computer.
All star voting is a bad system but you can’t fault SF for taking advantage of it. And if they are “bandwagon” fans because of it then I guess you got beat by a bunch of bandwagon fans. How does it feel shit heads?
Let me tell you something about my good friend Matt Cain.
HE DOES NOT GIVE ONE SINGLE SHIT.
Here is an article I wrote on Cain’s perfect night. Check it out amigos.
Wait a minute.
THESE ARE DIFFERENT GAMES.
THIS GUY GOES TO ALL THE GAMES DRESSED LIKE THIS RAPIST CLOWN? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME LA SPORTS?!
Oh god. Did you guys just get chills? I got Chills.
Spring Baseball is a mere few days away and I am so god damn excited. Not because Spring baseball is particularily interesting but because it means two very, very important things.
1. The return of Giants Baseball
2. THE RETURN OF MOTHER FUNKING BUSTER POSEY
I will address these in the order they are presented
The Giants have not done a ton to improve upon their league worst offense this off season, but I dont think anyone really expected them to. They got a couple of pieces (Melky Cabrera and Angel Pagan) that may or may not have a better than average impact and they are going to rely on pitching, like they have the last three or so years, to carry them through the season. This looks to be another potentially dissapointing season barring some type of break out year from the likes of one of the younger guys (looking at you Brandon Belt). But you guys want to know a secret? I dont really give a shit. I just want something better than basketball and ice hockey (sorry guys, i have nothing against hockey, I just really can’t get into it.) to absorb my time. The period between the end of football season and the begining of baseball season is like crappy sports purgatory. Also, who knows where the season will go now that…
BUSTER GAWD DAMNED POSEY IS BACK. I was tempted to write this entire part in caps but I will spare you guys. Not only is Busta (we’re on a rapper nick name basis, he calls me Biggy) the best catcher in all of baseball, he is a god damn stud muffin. Look at that smile, and that dreamy dream boat baby face of his. Not pictured are his hypnotizing catcher thighs. Busta was injured mid-way through last season and the Giants went into a vomit inducing spiral. Guess what bitches? He’s back, and looking to crush the entire NL west between those glorious thighs.
Tonight against the Rockies Pablo Sandoval became only the second player this season to hit for the cycle (a home run, triple, a double and a single all in one game). This is very great news. For starters, it gives Giants fan something to cheer for since this season has been, for the most part, incredibly depressing. Also, it couldn’t happen to a greater guy. I love most of our players but this guy is just adorable. Look at him. LOOK. He has so much damn fun it’s almost unbearable. speaking of bears, he also has what will go down as one of the most original and funny nicknames in sports history (the kung fu panda).
Most importantly though, he is a big guy. A big guy doing stuff skinny people tell him he can’t do. On behalf of myself, Pablo Sandoval, and large gentleman the world over, I sincerely mean it when I say: fuck you skinny people. We could do anything you can do better. And look a hellofa lot jollier in the process.
so, world, I love sports. Sorry. I probably have no followers that care about this but I’m going to write it anyways because I’m kind of drunk and watching the giants game and need to talk to someone about what I am watching right now. The giants fans in the bleachers, probably my favorite collection of people ever, are heckling the center fielder of the Milwaukee Brewers, Nyjer Morgan. This is something they always do, regardless of who is standing in the outfield. The appropriate response of an opposing player should be to ignore the loud mouthed fans and respect the fact that you are in their house. And while you are enjoying your stay at AT&T park, this is something that you need to tolerate. Nyjer Morgan is not doing so. He is making very cocky and douchy gestures towards the fans every time he catches a routine fly ball. There are 2 serious issues with this. First: we already hate the Brewers based on the douchery of Prince Fielder alone, dont make it worse fuck head. Second, and more importantly, the fans are the one paying you MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR salary for being an EXTREMELY mediocre center fielder that only has a job because he is obscenely fast. Know your fucking role Nyjer Morgan. And quit having such a border line racist name for a black guy. fuck.