Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Make it rain

Bathroom stuff

Hey guys! In like 2 hours I will be at the SF Punchline. Here’s a video from my last time up. It’s always a good show and I can say with supreme confidence that this is one of my greatest performances. At least that I have on video.

If you’ve got nothing to do tonight, check it out! 

A short film made for the Campus Movie Fest at San Francisco State about a boy and his dong. It’s a terrifying Hallow’s Eve treat. We got in the top 16 and now, if we get enough views, it could get screened in Hollywood.  Check it out internet and help us move on! Watch it like a million times!!

So last night I had a show at San Francisco’s historic Purple Onion. It is a venue I have performed at many times, and one of my favorites. For a lot of young comedians, myself included, The Purple Onion serves as the rite of passage from strictly open mic-er status to full fledged “paid” comedian. Before that, The Onion was a place of legend, where comedy greats such as Richard Pryor, Phyllis Diller, the Smothers Brothers, and Mort Sahl (amongst others) came to play. It’s an impressive list, one that almost anyone who has ever performed on the red carpeted stage could recite in their sleep.

The reason I am writing this love letter to The Purple Onion is because last night will likely be my last appearance there ever. The building has sold and at the end of this month the current owners will pack up their things and leave, taking the rights to “The Purple Onion” with them. While the club itself will probably remain intact, the name, and everything it represents, will be removed.

I guess I just want to take this time to thank The Purple Onion for everything it has done for me. It is directly responsible for my love of comedy. It is the location of not only some of the happiest moments of my life, but some of the proudest. It is a crappy, over-crowded cellar underneath a restaurant that, without fail, could bring together family and friends that I hadn’t seen in years just to see me perform under the bright lights. I love The Purple Onion, and its closure breaks my whole entire heart.

So do yourself a favor and try to catch a show there before it closes down. Jabari Davis puts on shows there most weekends and they are always a good time. But even if you can’t, just drive by it and try to get a last look at a San Francisco landmark that is soon to be uprooted.

Farewell Purple Onion, you will be dearly missed


For more on The Purple Onion here is a link to a room review from an award winning blog that is worth a read: http://courtingcomedy.com/post/29840534377/room-review      

I was at the punchline! on the stage! saying words!

The baseball all-star lineups were announced today and there are three Giant’s starters on the team. Two of those starters, despite what some will say, fully deserve the nod. One of them, Pablo Sandoval, should probably not have been picked as a starter but, because the All-Star game is done entirely by fan vote, this kind of thing will happen. The issue is that most would argue that, while this is a good lineup to put out on the field, it is not the one that gives them the best chance to win. That is unfortunate because the winner of this game decides who gets home field advantage in the World Series.

What?

Yeah. Pretttyyyyy weird thing to do. 


Look, the all-star game is def a popularity contest and I am OK with the selections for that reason. People vote for who they want to see, that makes sense. What I am not OK with is a popularity contest deciding something so important. Why would you leave something like home field advantage in one of the biggest sporting events of the year in the hands of drunken sun-baked baseball fans. It doesn’t make any god damn sense.

Furthermore, this Giants heavy team has caused quite the stir in the ever sophisticated baseball forums. The primary complaint is that Giants fans are “bandwagon” fans that don’t know anything about baseball so they just vote for their favorite players (they want to see their favorite players play?! fuck those guys!). Designating us as “bandwagon” fans is actually a fairly common occurrence, even before this all-star game thing.

Like.

Just shut up about that shit.


We have sold out every game for nearly three seasons. Giant’s fans show up in huge numbers at every road game they play, regardless of the city or league. On recent road trips to San Diego and Seattle the “Lets go Giants” chants could be heard clearer than anything else. For god’s sake there are people that are willing to kayak out into the green waters of the bay for 4 hours in 60 degree weather waiting on a home run ball from a team that hits less home runs than anyone else in the majors. Sure there are bandwagon fans but that’s the case everywhere. And bandwagon fans are still fans. They still pay for tickets. They still wear orange and black. And, obviously, they still know how to use a computer.

All star voting is a bad system but you can’t fault SF for taking advantage of it. And if they are “bandwagon” fans because of it then I guess you got beat by a bunch of bandwagon fans. How does it feel shit heads?

This is Matt Cain with a Samurai sword. You’re welcome.  

Let me tell you something about my good friend Matt Cain.

HE DOES NOT GIVE ONE SINGLE SHIT.

Here is an article I wrote on Cain’s perfect night. Check it out amigos.

http://throughthefencebaseball.com/perfect-game-thrusts-matt-cain-into-well-deserved-spotlight/23118/