So I live in San Francisco and usually I am the guy that drives everywhere and has a car all the time because, despite what people tell you, MUNI is a big asshole. But my car was in the shop this past week and I was forced to ride the bus with the common folk. These are the things I learned.
TRUE FACTS ABOUT MUNI:
- Oh you got a bus schedule there? Cute. Buses don’t give a single fuck about schedule.
- The bus drivers, for the most part, are even shittier than bus drivers are always portrayed on TV/cartoons. They are perpetually furious at everyone on the bus. In one week of bus riding I saw two different drivers close the doors in the face of people trying to get on, and then speed off even though there were still people obviously trying to get on. Also, they are terrible drivers. I have never driven a bus but I bet you could do it without gassing and then slamming on the brakes every 11 seconds. And when I say thanks for the ride in a completely un-sarcastic manner, something more than a grunt would do just nicely you god damn sour puss
- The only people worse than bus drivers are bus riders. I am sure there are plenty normal people out there that ride the bus everyday, but for everyone one regular person, there are five disgusting sewer people who ride the bus everyday. Courtesy and decency aren’t present in a bus riders mind set. An Asian woman with a thousand pink grocery bags and a cart filled with news papers will elbow you in the teeth if it means she gets to sit down in the last open seat. And I guess I missed the memo that said it is much easier to scream the words “BACK DOOR!” than it is to read a sign that says “push to open.” I have exited through the back door multiple times this week, never once did I have to verbally abuse it.
- That goddamn bus lady better quit telling me to exit through the rear doors or I’m going to lose my shit. I’ll exit through whichever door I please. Rear, front, starboard, I’ll jump out of the roof hatch if I need to. But I won’t be listening to you, because you are a bus, and I am a person, and my name is Anakin.