September 2011
14 posts
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I just tried using Liam Neeson's speech from the...
Amazon Customer Service Rep: Sir, we're very sorry but your package won't ship until the 16th of September unless you upgrade your shipping.
Me: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for overnight charges, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills... that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my package go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
Amazon Customer Service Rep: I'm sorry sir, but you're going to have to talk to my sales manager.
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New Frozone. Number 15. Listen up nerds →
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Letter to my Landlord
Here’s a letter I wrote to my landlord
Dear landlord,
When first moving in here, I was overwhelmed with excitement. The location alone was worth the steep rent and the obvious issues that come along with living under a woman of your age. The hardwood floors and brand new cupboards thrilled my girlfriend and me, blinding us into doing something we should have...
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BASEBALLS!
Tonight against the Rockies Pablo Sandoval became only the second player this season to hit for the cycle (a home run, triple, a double and a single all in one game). This is very great news. For starters, it gives Giants fan something to cheer for since this season has been, for the most part, incredibly depressing. Also, it couldn’t happen to a greater guy. I love most of our players but...
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Borders is closing.
By the end of this week, Borders bookstore will be closed down for good, and Barnes and Nobel is not far behind it. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I would like to take this moment to rant. I understand that print is a dying media, and that we live in a world where instant gratification is the only kind anyone seems to have any time for, and I understand that the Internet has much better prices than the real...
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