I feel like this whole “What Would I Say” phenomenon is kind like when you describe your dreams to people: it’s really interesting and amusing to you, but really only to you, because it’s the dribblings of your own subconcious, and you can never really make clear how funny or interesting it is to someone else.
That said, these are my favorites.
For real though, I’ll be in a ball and hate you.Source: shlabam
So today I went to my little brother’s school to volunteer for a fund raising raffle/fair that they put on. Let me just get right to it:
I like to support the school so I bought 20 dollars worth of raffle tickets, which was just 4 tickets (they were 5 bucks each). This may seem on the expensive side but the prizes seemed worth it, there was a bunch of cool gift baskets, an I pad mini, autographed sports memorabilia, 200 dollars in cash, you get the point. Pretty good shit. I got super excited and pulled up a front row seat, eagerly awaiting the first ticket to be drawn. They plowed through the gift baskets, no luck. This is when things got silly:They went to some autographed sports shit, then the I-pad, then some more sports shit, then some gift cards, the cash, more gift cards, museum passes, and more gift cards. What I am trying to say is that there was no fucking rhyme or reason to this raffle. EVERYONE knows you start with the shitty prizes and work towards the good ones. It builds suspense and makes people hang around to the end. This raffle did almost the opposite. after the baskets they jumped straight to the I pad, which is certainly the grand prize, and then abandoned any type of sensible order. It was fucking madness I tell you. Anarchy even.
But as I see the last of the prizes being given out and my name hasn’t been called, I guess it doesn’t matter what order things went in, the school made money and I didn’t win anything.
BUT WAIT, just when everyone thought all the prizes were gone they roll out a cart with one final batch of “prizes.” What could they be?! More I-pads?! An endangered animal?!?!?! KEY TO THE CITY!?!???!?!
Nope, Home made baked goods, mostly cakes. Not like, cool cakes either, like, funfetti cakes. From a box.
And then what happened must have been some sort of cruel joke. Of the next 6 raffle tickets pulled, 4 of them belonged to my family. WE WON FOUR FUCKING HOME MADE CAKES.
I don’t want to seem ungrateful but who in the name of fuck decided they would save the tray of shitty Sara Lee cakes as the grand prize. If this raffle was done the way every other raffle on the face of the planet has ever been done since the beginning of time I would have won a bunch of sports memorabilia and probably an i-pad or 200 dollars.
I hate elementary school. Excuse me but I have 4 cakes that aren’t going to eat themselves.
The other day I was speaking with an old friend from high school that I haven’t seen in more than five years. We are both huge football fans and speak after every Forty Niners game. We were talking last week and I casually mentioned that I have a large beard now, to which he responded “oh really, I hate beards.”
Then he changed the subject.
Just, you just hold the fuck on for one minute. I’m not one of those people that is going to profess beards are the coolest shit alive or wear graphic tee’s that say some ass hole thing like “There is a name for people without beards…women!” My beard is nice but it isn’t particularly well groomed, and the reasons I grew it are 1. I am lazy, 2. It make’s my baby face look older. But look man, you can’t just say you hate beards. You can hate some beards, maybe you hate hipster beards or playoff beards or wizard beards or people that braid their beards or ZZ top but I feel like “I hate beards” is an impossible statement.
Not because beards are so amazing or anything (which, I mean, they are) but it is such a generalization. If someone was like “I hate top hats” I would say ok yeah sure, but if someone told me ” I hate hats” I would assume they are probably missing a piece of their brain because even though I don’t usually wear hats, I understand their place in this world and respect that just because it’s something that’s not for me doesn’t mean I have to hate it and make my friends feel self conscious.
Greetings all! Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Mind Guy, everybody’s favorite psychic superhero, and curator of this here Neighborhood Watchmen Blog. Due to the abundance of time I save by only showing up when I am needed (I’m psychic, I report for duty when my brain box tells me my services…
Mind guy you crazy dude, you’re hilarious, let’s make out.Source: theneighborhoodwatchmen
Neighborhood Watchmen is an upcoming web series from the minds of David Studebaker, Dash Kwiatkowski and Stephen Ku. Neighborhood Watchmen is a mockumentary style web-series set in an office, about a local superhero team and their quest for legitimacy. It centers around the conflicts that arise when they’re NOT fighting crime. Some of our favorite moments from old episodes of Justice League cartoons were the team bonding and casual moments at the team’s HQ and we wanted to create a show that was just that.
After hitting our 10,000 dollar kickstarter goal, we spent all summer filming and now the show is being released. The first three episodes are out and will continue to release on a weekly basis. Please like, re-blog, and spread the word as much as you can. We are excited and you should be to!
We have a tumblr now! follow it or whateverSource: theneighborhoodwatchmen
Covering S05:E16 Felina
Here it is, the final episode of Breaking Bad. Jacob, Jesse and Will were joined by Sean Keane to talk series closure, Walt’s redemption, fireplaces and Mama’s Family. We’ve also included some choice bits from our Roof Pizza Party stand-up show recorded live at Lost Weekend Video in San Francisco. Thanks to everyone who came out and everyone who has listened in.